A not-blast from the past at the ballpark

What antiquated witchcraft is this?

I went to the ballyard last night to watch Your Seattle Mariners take on the fake rival San Diego Padres and was treated to a pretty interesting, if ultimately unsatisfying, game.

Unsatisfying because (a) the Mariners lost a game they could have won; (b) Seattle starting pitcher Luis Castillo was great—but in the way that George W. Bush kept us safe, you know, except that one time. Castillo was absolutely lit up in the first inning, needing about 35 pitches to retire the side after surrendering five runs, all before I had much chance to settle into my seat (thanks in part to the damned 6:40pm start time that necessitates an extra 30-40 minutes of travel time and even then count yourself lucky if you're not late).

Interesting because (a) it was a tightly contested affair, with the Padres ultimately winning by a single run; (b) the M's mounted a mid-game comeback with a bat-around, 6-run inning in the 5th with line drives scorched off of fake-Christian homophobic reliever Jason Adam, including a 3-run bomb by Geno Suárez, that couldn't have happened to a nicer relief pitcher; (c) the company was good as I got to catch up a little with some folks I hadn't seen in a long while; and (d) San Diego plated what would prove to be their winning run on one of my absolute favorite baseball strategems, a truly lost art in the game: the squeeze play.

I cannot remember the last time I saw a team successfully execute a squeeze bunt. I cannot recall if I've ever seen a team do it in person before. It's not quite a bigfoot sighting, but it's pretty damn rare in today's game.

Top of the 6th, San Diego's Gavin Sheets doubles to lead it off. Next batter is Ramon Laureano, who has always torched the Mariners for whatever reason (in 60 career games vs. Seattle, Laureano has 106 total bases including 11 homers), who also doubles, but good outfield play and cautious baserunning holds Sheets at 3rd. Then Jake Cronenworth singles to plate Sheets and tie the game, Laureano moving to 3rd base. Now one out, up comes 9th-place-batting catcher Freddy Fermín, who takes two pitches and then surprises us by squaring around for the third pitch as Laureano bolts home. Fermín lays down a textbook bunt and the Padres lead 7-6.

Absolutely f-ing brilliant play, beautifully executed. I tip my cap to Padre manager Mike Schildt.

Thanks to effective bullpen work by pitchers not named Jason Adam, that score held up. And despite Seattle reliever Carlos Vargas getting hammered—the guy pitched a harmless 9th, staying in due to a depleted Mariner ’pen, but in the 8th he was greeted with a hard lineout (Laureano again), a hard-hit infield single, a grounder that he tried to field himself when Suárez was ready to take it and thus ruined any chance of getting the out, and a rocket shot on the ground that took a nice play from shortstop J.P Crawford to snare and turn into a double-play—the score didn't get any worse.

Randy Arozarena nearly tied it in the 9th with a fly out to the wall in center, but that right there epitomized the game and, frankly, the Mariners as a whole of late: The Mariners need home runs to score. The Padres know other ways to do it too.

When the M's finally fired manager Scott Servais last year and gave the reins to Dan Wilson, the homer-reliance declined. A fuller mix of offensive methods took over to pretty good effect, and it's still there to some extent, but the boys are homer-happy again with old habits returning to the fore. Sadly, that's not unusual anymore, a lot of teams have the same issue, we live in a homer-happy era. 

But man, it was nice to see someone lay down a squeeze. Even if it was the Padres.

Tagged Baseball, Seattle Mariners, Posted on August 27, 2025 at 6:33PM   |   Permalink   |     |  

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What he said

You've probably heard about this already if you're tuned into the news at all, but Illinois governor J.B. Pritzker refused to bow to tyranny and told President Convicted Felon to keep his armed thugs the fuck out of his state (paraphrasing).

Rather than expound about Pritzker's awesome speech, I will instead direct you to what Erik said about it, which I endorse 100%. Erik's a morning person, he beat me to it.

 

Tagged Politics, President VonClownstick, Posted on August 26, 2025 at 4:57PM   |   Permalink   |     |  

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Trickle-down bitterness

The other night I had an umpiring shift that included something I'm not accustomed to these days—hostility directed at me from a player.

You'd think I'd have been in a better mindset to recognize/deal with such a thing; before the shift began, I and my fellow ump Laz, who was working the other field, had been comparing notes on difficult teams and conflict with players since Laz had some issues the previous day. But no, none of that stayed in my upper consciousness once I got going with the game, so when I had a close play at second base in the early innings and called the runner out, his irritated backtalk didn't really phase me and I just moved on. Then every subsequent time that player was involved in a play, offensively or defensively, he had something to say about me. Not directly to me, he had things to say to his fellows in the dugout—just making sure he was loud enough that I'd hear him.

After the third such remark I got it that he wasn't somehow trying to be funny, that he meant things literally, and it started to bug me; it also confused me, though, because I've gotten a little full of myself in this gig. I'm used to being everyone's favorite umpire. (Not everyone's, obviously; I mean, Laz has fans despite his newness to the league, which he should since he's good.)

Most players that have been around for a while know me by name and are glad to have me working their games. It's an unusual shift if no one asks me as they're getting ready to leave if I'll be doing their next games or not and if not asking me if I can't switch things around so I will. Once I was running behind schedule and texted Laz that I was going to be 10 minutes late or so to the park and would he please tell my teams to hang in there; Laz's reply was that they were "willing to wait without making trouble, but only because it's you coming." Banter even before I was there in person. Even in cases when a player argues with me about a call, most often after the game ends that player wants to make sure I knew it was just a heat of the moment reaction and s/he gets that it's a tough gig and close calls are part of the deal, no hard feelings. And if I blow a call and know it, I always own up to it even though most times it can't be undone; nine times out of ten, that goes over well and buys good will.

The guy the other night would have been the tenth out of ten had I actually got something wrong and knew it and said so. Makes me wonder what his life must be like elsewhere, can't be much fun.

Anyway, after that game was over I went up to this fellow and asked him what was up. "You've been badmouthing me the whole game, it can't just be from that close call at second, so let's have it. What's going on?" It was an attempt at conflict resolution, but either my tone was off or he just wasn't interested in coming to any understandings (maybe both). He then reminded me of the last time I had his team, about three or four weeks prior, when I also called him out on a close play at second base. Once he mentioned it, I recalled it was an almost identical play, including him sliding in and kicking up so much dust as to make the view of the tag questionable. He was still pissed off about that, had been holding a grudge about it. I told him that close plays were part of the game, they're bound to happen, and they always inevitably go against someone. He just doubled down on his hostility, offered me $100 to never umpire again, told me I sucked at it, and wanted me to know he was better than me in every way. OK, goodbye, then, conversation over. I turned away to get prepped for the next game and heard him continuing to badmouth me to others (but not as loudly this time). One of the players waiting for the next game, having heard some the exchange, came up to me and let me know that he and his team would have my back if necessary, which I appreciated but also dismissed—this guy wasn't looking for a physical fight and I wouldn't let him have one if he was. Too much machismo was the whole problem, after all, no need to add to it.

It's a nothing incident. A comment from another witness player reminded me of something else that happened after that game weeks ago that the hostile was holding a grudge from, when after the dustup someone asked me from the bleachers how often grown men yell at me about a rec-league game with no stakes at all. "More often than anyone would think appropriate," or something like that, was my reply.

Shit like that happens. Like Laz and I were saying before the shift, sometimes some people are asshats and the worst part of the gig is finding the line where competitive macho asshattery crosses into unacceptable abuse asshattery that ruins things for the rest of the participants and requires ejections or other means of reminding people who has authority.

Being me, of course, it took me a good hour or so to process the experience out of my head to the point that I was clearheaded for the rest of my shift. I always replay things in my head, puzzle over what I said, think of better things I could have said, wonder if my ego is so needy that this should bother me, then eventually just conclude that sometimes some people are asshats.

Fortunately, the rest of the night was filled entirely with players of good cheer and fun attitudes that didn't take things seriously even though their games were (a) a tight one that came down to the last batter of the game and (b) a lopsided trouncing that resulted in a 36-0 shutout.

Since then I've alternatively completely forgotten about this incident and pondered the why of sometimes some people are asshats. In this particular time in the world, I think people have shorter fuses, have more frayed nerves than ever, and are quicker to explode than what had been normal. Me included. There's so much threatening us on a daily basis from our alleged leaders that it's hard to remember we're supposed to be civilized. Or, for those on the other side, there's a new and intoxicating permission structure to lash out, to take responsibility for nothing, to make anything and everything into a grievance that personally offends and demands retribution.

It's like the GOP has finally found a scenario where the "trickle-down" theory works: Supply-side spite, anxiety, and antagonism.

Tagged Umping, Politics, Softball, Posted on August 20, 2025 at 8:00PM   |   Permalink   |     |  

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Crime and no punishment

I need to rant a bit today. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

 

 

“Washington DC is at its worst point.”

So said our authoritarian wannabe dictator, attempting to justify his Federal takeover of law enforcement and his deployment of Federal agents of various agencies and the National Guard in the nation’s capitol.

Taken in isolation, this is one of those times when the Grifter-in-Chief tells the truth while he’s lying—he’s trying to convince people that DC is a hellhole with constant citywide shooting sprees and muggings and break-ins with phrases like “crime is out of control.”

Of course, it isn’t. The rate of violent crime in DC is the lowest it’s been in decades. Yet, Washington, DC, is at its worst point and crime is out of control. In the White House. In Republican congressional offices. In the Supreme Court. The rampant criminality in dire need of law enforcement is committed on a daily—nay, hourly—basis inside our governmental buildings, not on the streets.

In declaring a state of emergency based on a made-up fantasy of terror amongst the citizenry, President Felon is trying to create terror amongst the citizenry. It’s not about crime; he cares nothing about crime except as it pertains to himself, in which case he’s all for it.

Rachel Maddow did a segment the other day that deftly illustrated how all claims of being “tough on crime” and the like out of Tyrant Don and his minions are completely without merit, but somehow, despite the obvious evidence in front of all of us, the Cult of Trumpism guzzles down the gaslighting like it’s their morning coffee, something they can’t effectively get through their days without.

Mind-blowing, isn’t it.

I had started to think that possibly, hopefully, please let it be, that the Cult was starting to wake up and see reality. Even MAGA mouthpieces like Ben Shapiro and Candace Owens were openly speculating about why the regime wouldn’t release the Epstein files, why the neo-führer had thousands of agents combing those files for mentions of his own name and redacting them. What was the president trying to hide? He campaigned on releasing the Epstein files! He promised the pedophiles would be punished! Why is he now protecting them?!

I had hoped that, having been confronted with the paradox of being fed the conspiracy theories for years about pedophilia being rampant among liberals and the Epstein files would reveal so many important names as being heinous abusers of children, and then being told that there isn’t really any scandal here and that we can’t release the files because “innocent people” might “get hurt,” there might be a reaction other than drinking more metaphorical kool-aid.

The Cult messiah said that in response to a reporter’s question about why Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche spent two days meeting with Epstein’s literal partner in crime Ghislaine Maxwell at the Federal prison she was being held at (before she was transferred without merit to a minimum-security “Club Fed” facility in Texas in a blatantly corrupt move): “We’d like to release everything, but we don’t want people to get hurt that shouldn’t get hurt.”

The Cult had been screaming for years, egged on by the MAGA propagandists, that innocent people had been hurt, loads of them, mostly children, and that the perpetrators must be brought to justice. Now their Dear Leader is saying people named in those incriminating files are possibly “innocent people” who “shouldn’t” be held accountable.

Was this finally the tipping point? Was this finally something that would penetrate deeply enough into the Cultists’ collective psyche to make them realize that their leader was a lying piece of shit that has expertly manipulated them by utilizing the favored tactics of Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels, including Accusation in a Mirror? Would they finally figure out that whenever Donnie Two Scoops and his regime levels an accusation at someone it is an admission of their own behavior? Shouldn't that be enough to make at least some of the cult fritz out in their version of "Norman, coordinate?"

It may still come to be. I remain hopeful, though less so than a week ago or two weeks ago or three weeks ago.

Distractions work. Especially a distraction like the Federal takeover of DC, which our demented head of state most likely sees as a twofer: A big story to distract the media from tying him to Epstein and a move forward on the actual agenda item of punishing Black people for existing by falsely declaring the 50% African-American city to be a hotbed of “rising violence” and one of “the most dangerous cities in the world.”

Of course, to borrow a phrase from Cliff Schecter(?), Trump always makes things worse for Trump, and this DC fiasco may well blow up in his face and cause more political trouble for Dictator Donny than he started with. And at least some reporters are refusing to let go of the Epstein mess, plus people in the White House keep threatening lawsuits about it which will simply keep the whole thing front and center no matter how many times they throw something shiny at the idiots in a press gaggle.

But eventually this will all come out. Eventually we will see evidence supporting if not outright proving that the current holder of the title President of the United States not only knew all about Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell’s sex-trafficking of minors, but that he participated in it. That he himself abused children, that he himself is the “innocent” person that he says “shouldn’t get hurt.”

Whether that comes to light before this human stain is dead or not depends on American journalism, so, you know, odds aren’t great. But it does still seem like this might be the thing that brings him down.

The fact that every other fucking atrocity he’s committed hasn’t already brought him down is another problem.

 

Tagged Politics, President VonClownstick, Republicans, Posted on August 14, 2025 at 10:08PM   |   Permalink   |     |  

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Strange new world order

Tom Tomorrow jabs both the current state of affairs and the tendency of Strange New Worlds to rely on gimmickry. Kudos.

 

Tagged Politics, Star Trek, Posted on August 11, 2025 at 5:33PM   |   Permalink   |     |  

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Celebrating the greats

Seattle's Hall of Fame #51s

This past weekend was Ichiro Suzuki weekend at the ballpark by Elliott Bay. The newly-inducted Hall of Famer had his jersey number 51 retired in a pregame ceremony on Saturday, which included a fine speech from the man itself, just two weeks after he gave a different speech at the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. He began his remarks by saying, "Who's idea was it to have me give two speeches in English in two weeks?" calling it "one of the toughest challenges of my career." This got the requisite laugh, and Ichiro demonstrated a more than competent command of the language, which he remains somewhat insecure about despite having greater fluency than the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue demonstrates on a daily basis.

It was a nice speech, humble yet acknowledging of his merit in receiving the honor, and pointed in its advice to the current team of Seattle Mariners—seize this moment. "As Edgar [Martínez, Mariner batting coach and fellow Hall of Famer] and Dan [Wilson, the Mariners' manager] know, winning is tough.... The thing about winning is it is always tough and never comes without pressure," he said. "Accept the pressure and figure out how you can perform at your best." The other unexpected thing was the amount of time Ichiro devoted to the man who wore 51 before him, fellow Hall of Famer Randy Johnson. Randy will have his own number retirement next year, and the two of them seem to really enjoy each other. Johnson was among the several Mariner greats and luminaries in attendance and the two of them taking selfies and goofing around afterward was a fun cap on the event before the game began. Ichiro will attend Randy's ceremony as well and will no doubt engage on more clowning around then. (No word on whether or not Rey Quiñones will be invited.)

Yesterday the festivities continued in a way, with giveaway replica Hall of Fame plaques (I didn't get one despite arriving more than an hour early) and video tributes between innings and such, but aside form the Mariner victory—their seventh straight and a capper on a 9-1 homestand—the highlight was the ceremonial first pitch, thrown by Ichiro to Johnson, whose six-foot-ten frame was decked out in catcher Cal Raleigh's chest protector and shin guards, which looked like a grown man wearing the clothes of a six-year-old. Both wore Sunday-variant versions of Mariner jerseys with 51 on the back and posed for more goofy pictures.

I umpired Friday night, missed an opportunity to attend Saturday night, and did attend yesterday afternoon before again umpiring last night. But I watched all three games and enjoyed them all, bookended by umping shifts that were fun and included plenty of appreciation from players. Pretty decent weekend, well timed and needed given the continuing state of the world.

It wasn't worth taking the time to come home after the M's game and then turn around an hour later to go back to Cap Hill to ump, so I spent the intervening time at Elliott Bay Books, where I ran into one of the softball players I've become vaguely acquainted with over the years (and who I would see later in the evening on the field). She recommended to me a sci-fi novel called The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, which I purchased and read the first few chapters of while awaiting the start of my shift. So far so good.

 

Tagged Baseball, Seattle Mariners, Ichiro, Umping, Books, Posted on August 11, 2025 at 5:14PM   |   Permalink   |     |  

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Navigating the new normal

Every day there's a new outrage in the news surrounding the regime occupying 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Every. Damn. Day. It just doesn't let up, except maybe during the weekends when the wannabe king is off cheating at golf.

Whether it's relocating his buddy the convicted child sex-trafficker from a high-security facility to a cushy "Club Fed" prison, human rights abuses at his Florida concentration camp, his HHS secretary setting back vaccine research and development by decades, his open declaration that he needs states to further gerrymander their congressional districts because he feels "entitled"—seriously, he said "entitled"—to five additional Republican seats in the House from Texas, or opening up bullshit investigations into the perfectly legal activities of Democratic officeholders, every day there's more crime committed by the alleged President of the United States and his regime of sycophantic neo-Nazis.

It's overwhelming.

Once again, our friend Craig Calcaterra has put something into words that is more eloquent than what I feel like I could articulate at the moment:

I honestly think something has happened in the past six months that has prevented me from ever truly understanding and, possibly, caring about most of the nonsense afoot in this country. Like, I lack the energy to mock or critique on most days. I just stare into the middle distance and offer an accepting nod. The acceptance is not substantive, of course. It's just acceptance of the fact that, yes, this is how people are now and it's doubtful that anything is going to break the fever of insanity which has overtaken so, so many of them.

This is how I've been feeling, though I don't think "acceptance" is quite the right word. Close. Not sure what would be better.

But a significant percentage of people in this country—including, importantly, people in Congress, who could put a stop to all this tomorrow if they wanted to—embrace this "fever of insanity," as Craig put it, and the rest of us suffer for it while we watch the end of the Republic barrel along at ludicrous speed.

I'm certainly not one to advocate tuning out. We can't fight the authoritarian takeover if we're not aware of what's going down. But for personal mental health reasons, I have been allowing life outside of politics to kind of pretend things are normal and just try to enjoy things that, so far, have not collapsed into nightmare fuel.

I've been watching some good TV—"Upload," "Platonic," ST:SNW—reading Enterprise fanfiction, even getting in a little bicycling. And, naturally, baseball and softball.

I had an umpiring shift tonight, championship games, which tend to bring out the worst in people. But tonight was almost entirely positive, with only one player giving me grief for a strike call that he had no business being mouthy about. Otherwise it was good spirits all around and general fun, plus some ego boosts for me when, upon my arrival, several players from the adjacent field objected that Laz was umping their games and not me (hey, Laz is a good dude, cut him a break); players in games I did officiate went out of their way to compliment my style and declare me "best ump we've ever had," which I will take given the state of my head lately.

The other night I attended the Mariner game with my friend Dave, and clearly I had a good time talking with him throughout the game because my scorebook has a number of scribbles in it where I had to cross things out and correct because I had lost track of who was batting or whathaveyou. Too busy conversing with Dave to have a clean scorebook. (Good game, too, went from what looked like a blowout in the making to a close one at the end, with the M's prevailing.) Sunday I have both another M's game and an ump shift to look forward to, a rare Sunday night shift of three games at Cap Hill. Hopefully those will also be engaging, fun, and leave me in a good mood.

'Cause the news sure isn't going to help me.

Tagged Politics, Umping, Seattle Mariners, Posted on August 9, 2025 at 12:02AM   |   Permalink   |     |  

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Laugh when you can while depression abounds

Hiya, netizens. It's been a few weeks. I've had a couple of folks check in with me to see if all was well, given my brain chemistry issues, so I figured a new post was in order.

The lack of posts hasn't entirely been black-hole related, but I have been fighting the gravity a bit. Not in a really dark, can't-get-out-of-bed sort of way, more in a mild ennui kind of way. Weary. Lethargic. Spurred on by the continual descent of the country into dictatorship and the corresponding frustration and anger with all the idiots who voted Republican despite having seen the sneak preview version of this play from 2017-2021.

Anyway. I won't turn this into a political rant today, at least not yet, because coherence when thinking about it is elusive. There's too much. Which atrocity to focus on? What can be said that hasn't been said already elsewhere? So I'll save that for later.

Instead, I'll just share something that amused me greatly when watching the baseball game from last Saturday between Your Seattle Mariners and the visiting Texas Rangers. There were two outs in the inning, M's at bat, Julio Rodríguez on 2nd base. Batter Josh Naylor taps a comebacker to the pitcher, who has a brain cramp and throws to third base trying to get the lead runner out even though he had an easy play at first which would have ended the inning. The throw gets past the third baseman because he wasn't expecting to be thrown to, Julio scores the tying run, Naylor safe at first, the inning continues.

This is something I had never seen in a big-league game but see all the frickin' time as a softball umpire. It has become kind of an inside joke just for me, one that I have stated out loud on occasion to the next batter in such a softball game, that one day, sometime before the heat death of the universe, I will be umpiring a game wherein the score is tight in a late inning and the defensive team takes the easy out at first to end an inning rather than attempt to get a lead runner instead. (To be fair, teams do take the easy out now and then, but never in a tense situation.) So when seven-year Major League veteran Merrill Kelly of the Texas Rangers did it I laughed very hard.

The M's still lost, though. Oh well.

Tagged Baseball, Seattle Mariners, The Black Hole, Politics, Umping, Posted on August 5, 2025 at 8:58PM   |   Permalink   |     |  

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