Strategery

Before I head down to the ballpark this evening, a little cut-n-paste. This comes to us from, as usual, the great Craig Calcaterra:

The Mariners had lost six of seven heading into this past Saturday's game against Atlanta but since then they've won four in a row. Did they make some adjustments? Did they watch some film? Nah, someone just cast a magic spell on 'em.

Over the weekend a Twitter user under the handle @notB0bR055 posted that he had paid a witch that he found on Etsy to cast a spell to end the Mariners' losing ways:

On Saturday morning, they posted an update with a screenshot of correspondence with SpellByLuna on Etsy, confirming the purchase of a $19.99 spell (with a $4 “shop discount”) to help the Mariners “get their act together and start winning baseball games again, and hopefully make their way to the World Series and win.”

SpellByLuna’s response reads in part: “I completed my spell with my best materials for you. It was a ritual process full of beautiful energies, dear, everything is fine. Now all you need to do is to stay positive and accept the manifestation of the spell.”

Since the casting of the spell, Seattle has outscored their opponents 37-9, thereby confirming the veracity of witchcraft. I hereby apologize to Rev. Samuel Parris and Matthew Hopkins who, as far as I'm concerned, stand vindicated.

Still, I'd be careful if I were the Mariners. There's a chance they'll be in an ALDS matchup against the Red Sox come October and we know how Massachusetts rolls with this sort of thing.

How long before the Mariners' promotions department organizes "Wiccan Night" at the park? And how would that work? Turn the evangelist with the bullhorn outside the gates into a newt and get in for free, maybe? Of course, full-size broomsticks would be prohibited as potential weapons, but if you can turn the evangelist into a newt I'd be unconcerned about the brooms.